Tears In The Rain
by DemiIsMyInspiration
Summary: one-shot turned into a full story! “In here! Hurry! Please!” I then turned back to Nate, dropping his cell phone. I put both of my hands on his face and rested my forehead on his, “I love you, please stay with me… please..” Nate/Alex/Nalex/Nelena R&R!
1. Tears In The Rain

**One-Shot, possible full series! Tell me what you think!!**

**DISCLAIMER:**** I do not own wizards of waverly place, camp rock, or the jonas brothers. I only own the plotline.**

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**Tears In The Rain**

As I walked down the road to my house, crying in the pouring rain, I thought of everything I've gone through with him.

The _pain. _The _misery_. The _heartbreak_.

All hurtful. All crude. All inflicted upon me, by _Him_. _He_ did this to me. _He_ made me cry so long that I didn't know tears were still spilling out_. He _made my heart feel like it was being ripped out of my chest with His large, strong hands. It was _Him_. And as crazy as it may sound…

I still loved _Him._

I couldn't help it. It was like a sudden wave of love swept all the pain, misery, and heartbreak away. Our love was anything but fake. _He _was my first love, and I was _His_. Our love was like something pure and holy. Just like a first love. Like something that not matter how long it took, you would never give up on. The funny thing was, I felt like _He_ was doing just that.

Giving up.

Letting the social pressure walk all over _Him. He _was letting what other people thought of them control their relationship. And that completely and totally, pissed me off.

I finally got to my house and opened the door, trying to calm myself before walking in. I quickly ran upstairs so as to not disturb my parents. I opened her bedroom door and looked at her single bed with a purple canopy on it. My window was directly across from my door, and my desk was right beside my window. My room was medium sized, nothing special. The only thing that was special was my window frame. Since they were 6, Alex and Nate had been writing on it. Not just nonsense writing, but every time they had an inspirational quote, or something they wanted to tell each other, they wrote it there. I was now staring at my favourite quote on the window, one I would never forget, "Alex, I could sit here with you forever, and never get tired of telling you the one thing that is absolute in my life… I love you." He wrote that when we were 13. Thinking back on all the memories made my eyes fill up with tears quickly, and I tried to calm myself down. I guess I hadn't noticed how loudly I was crying, because the next thing I heard was the soothing footsteps of my big brother, Austin. I was still facing the window, knowing that if I turned around and look at him, I would have automatically broke down sobbing and ran into his arms. But I couldn't do that, because I had to be strong. I had to bottle it all up inside. Because, I was Alex Russo.

"What's wrong?" he questioned. I could hear him coming closer and fought to keep my voice -and body- from shaking.

"Nothing Austin, go back to bed ok? Mom and dad will freak if you are late for your shift tomorrow." I said trying to conceal my pain. I walked over to my desk and shuffled around papers aimlessly, trying to get away from his all-knowing voice.

"What did he do to you? Did he hurt you?" he said starting to do what he always did, make up scenarios in his head to make _Him _look like the bad guy. But he knew Nate would never hurt me. Ever.

"Austin don't be ridiculous, okay? He would never hurt me.." I closed my eyes and swallowed the pain that was rising in my throat, making my voice thick, "Not physically.."

"Then what did he do Alex? What's wrong?" I could hear him stepping forward again, but still avoided him by going back to my window, looking out on the rain that surrounded me, as if I was in a rural penitentiary.

"Nothing is wrong ok?" I answered harshly as my voice cracked.

"Don't lie to me." I heard him say in a whisper. I could almost feel his presence behind me as I kept looking out the window, more silent tears streaming down my face.

"Austin, don't ok?" I said shifting my feet, "just… nothing is wrong ok? Everything is fine, just go back to bed."

"Everything is ok?" he said with a nearly silent scoff, "really?"

"Just go Austin." I could feel myself breaking with every word. I _needed _to breakdown, just meltdown and let it out. I had to let it out. But I couldn't, because I was Alex Russo. Behind me Austin was beginning to get upset.

"If everything is ok, then why wont you look at me?" he said in an angry whisper, "Look at me Alex." I didn't respond I just avoided him by going over to my closet, opening it, and getting my pyjamas out. I started to head for the door when I felt a strong but gentle hand grasp my arm. I turned around and avoided eye contact, suddenly very interested in the hardwood floor in my bedroom, "Don't avoid your feelings Alex, you know how that turned out last time." he knew just what buttons to push. I started to feel a sob come up in my throat, but held it back and turned my head. He must've seen me do that because he bent down and tried to meet my eyes with his. I just looked away again, "I am not going through that again, you hear me? I am not going to lose you to that world again!" with that said I had no choice but to look up at him. It took everything in my power to say what I had to say. But I just couldn't do it anymore. I needed to be alone. I just needed to be by myself, with my own thoughts.

"Austin, just leave me alone." I demanded as I saw his eyes break into confusion, "Just.. Please, I'm sorry. I just need you to leave" His eyebrows furrowed as the look in his eyes quickly turned to anger.

"Fine." he said through gritted teeth, "but when you end up getting hurt again, just remember this," he stepped closer and look intensely into my eyes. It almost frightened me, "It not only hurts you, it hurts everyone around you. And you know what? I'm always the one to save you." he backed away and turned to leave, anger pouring out of him as he swatted my plastic piggybank off of the desk on the way out, making it crash onto the floor loudly and he slammed my door.

Great. Another person in this world hates me. Just what I need.

As soon as he leaves, I pick up my piggybank and put it back into its original place and head back over to my bed to pick up my pyjamas that I dropped. As I went into the bathroom to change ( I had my own bathroom) I sat down on the side of my bathtub. As soon as I sat down I closed my eyes and sobbed, covering my mouth with my hand trying to silence my agony. But I couldn't, my heart wouldn't let me. It was breaking as I sat there, reminiscing in everything that Nate and I went through together. I was about to lose him to another world, and I couldn't go through that again…

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_***Flashback***_

_Summer of 2008 _

_(Nate: 16 Alex: 16)_

_I was walking towards Nate's house when my phone vibrates in my pocket. I pull out my Blackberry and press the green talk button, "hello?"_

"_Alex.." a faint voice on the other line beckons._

"_Nate? Hey babe what's wrong?" I said panicked as I heard Nate's terror filled voice on the other end._

"_Alex, I need you s-so badly right now.." I heard his desperation on the other line, he sounded as if he was about to cry, and that's when I knew I had to get over there as soon as I could._

"_Babe just breathe, ok? I'll be over there soon, I'm just turning the corner." I told him in a calm voice as I started running around the corner to his house. Nate had the tendency to worry about things to much and start to hyperventilate… I have been there when it has happened and its not fun when the person you love almost dies. I could hear him breathing on the other line, "that's it baby, just calm down ok? I'm almost there. Everything is going to be fine." I said trying to comfort him._

"_Everything is not going to be fine!" he said suddenly snapping, I knew he was about to break down. I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't stand hearing him crying without me being there to comfort him._

"_Nate, you listen to me ok?" I said frantically turning up his driveway, "Don't do anything. Just stay where you are and be calm, ok babe? I'm coming up your driveway." I said out of breath as I walked into his house. His door was always unlocked, which I thought was insane in the world we live in today, but the Grey family liked it like that. They trusted people a lot._

"_Baby," he said with a choppy sigh, "Its already too late.." I froze and my eyes went wide as I dropped my cell phone on the stairs. I went into a sprint, jumping the stairs three at a time._

"_No, no, no, no, no!" I whispered to myself as I jumped up the stairs and ran to Nate's room. I quickly opened the door and couldn't see him, "NATE!" I yelled. _

_Nothing._

"_NATE!!" I got no reply, but instead heard a quiet sobbing. I knew it was him. I ran in the direction of the cries, and I was frightened as to where it lead. The bathroom, "no,no.." I can't believe this is happening. I ran to the bathroom door and opened it fiercely. And what I saw, I would never forget._

_There, sitting on the floor was Nate. My Nate, with a compass from a math set in one hand, and at least 5 cuts into his other wrist. I could feel my heart beating faster and my vision getting blurry as I ran over to him, "Nate, baby n-no.." I said as I grabbed his face and wiped my thumb over his tears to wipe them away. He just looked at me with red eyes and started sobbing again. I thought quickly and grabbed a towel off of the towel rack and wrapped it tight around his wrist, "Hold that tight, it'll stop the bleeding," I instructed him through my tears. He did as I said. Thinking quickly again, I reached for my phone only to find it wasn't in my pocket. Thankfully, Nate's was beside him on the floor. I grabbed it without noticing my hands had his blood on them, and started dialling for an ambulance. Just as I was putting his cell phone to my ear, he let out a loud sob and looked at me with bloodshot eyes._

"_Alex," he said in an exasperated voice, trying hard not to lose consciousness, "Alex, I love you."_

_My heart broke. I put my hand to his face and ran it up through his curly hair, "Your going to be fine ok? Just stay with me. Don't leave me ok?" I said through my heartbroken sobs. He nodded as best as he could. The operator on the other line then picked up._

"_911 what's your emergency?"_

"_h-hi um m-my boyfriend a-attempted to k-kill--" I couldn't bring myself to say it, "m-my boyfriend is hurt, c-can you s-s-send an amb-bulence please? Quickly!?"_

"_okay ma'am calm down, what's your address?"_

"_124 Berkley Street," I said as I looked at Nate, still running my fingers through his hair. I let out a sob as I saw his eyes drooping , swinging in the limbo of consciousness, "please hurry.. please.. p-please" I started sobbing trying to keep my boyfriend, the one I loved from drifting off into darkness, "Nate, Nate look at me babe, please." I could tell he was trying so hard to keep his eyes on mine as he was falling farther, "Please Nate, come on, stay with me, Monkey." that was my nickname for him. I tried so hard to get his attention with anything I could, but it wasn't working. I needed help now. I started panicking, "Where in the hell is that ambulance, Damnit!?" I yelled to the abnormally calm lady on the other line as Nate's blood was starting to seep through the last layer of the towel that was still wound around his wrist._

"_Should be there any second ma'am, please try and stay calm. If not for me then for your boyfriend." I nodded my head, even though I know she couldn't see me. I heard the door downstairs open and thumps of feet running up the stairs. I turned towards the door._

"_In here! Hurry! Please!" I then turned back to Nate, dropping his cell phone. I put both of my hands on his face and rested my forehead on his, "I love you, please stay with me… please.."_

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**Hey guys!**

**So lately I have been loving the alex/nate/nalex stories and I have no idea how I even stumbled upon it haha, but I though I'd write a little something for yall :P**

**And I already know reviewers are gunna be all "bleh depressing much?" well sorry but if it is a series then it will have its happy and sad moments, just like life.**

**Ok so this is a One-shot for now, but I am seriously takeing it into consideration of making it into a full series, cuz I have dreamed up a whole plotline in my head, along with flashbacks (yesss know I'm a nerrrddd 8] ) so LET ME KNOW if you want me to make it into a full story or not.**

**And this a/n is getting far too long!:P sooo thanks!**

**TSLOTATlover 3  
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_**Like it? Hate it? Let me know! Push that little button down there and tell me what you think ! =]**_


	2. Why?

**OK, so I know you prolly all hate me right now, but I will let you read the chapter and then I'll have a blurb at the bottom… so enjoy!**

**Decided to turn this into a full story! Tell me what ya'll think =]**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own wizards of Waverly place, camp rock, or the Jonas brothers. I only own the plotline.**

**Tears in the Rain Chapter 2: Why?**

_Flashing lights._

_Sirens._

_People's incessant murmuring voices._

_That's all I could process. Anything else was just too much. When the ambulance arrived I didn't know how to react. They needed a family member there to ride in the back with him, but seeing as Nate was home alone, and his brothers were away with his parents for that day on a business trip, I thought the obvious thing to do was to climb in the back with my one and only. My love. My Monkey, who was currently mumbling my name as he drifted in and out of consciousness on the gurney heading towards the ambulance doors. But no, they wouldn't let me._

I heard him say my name in an agonizing strain of hope, breaking my heart in the process. I immediately fast walked over to the ambulance steps, attempting to follow the gurney in.

"Excuse me miss, you can't go in there." a slightly good looking paramedic with blonde hair and green eyes said in a low, husky voice.

"Like hell I can't." I said, attempting to forcefully push my way through. He wouldn't budge, "I _have _to go with him, sir! You don't understand!"

"I'm sorry little missy, I can't allow that." he said crossing his arms which just met the crook of my neck.

I stopped pushing him and looked at him seriously, "listen to me very carefully. I am going to get in that ambulance and go to the hospital with him whether you like it or not. So you either move now, or hear from your supervisor later. Got it?"

He look back and forth from the ambulance to me and sighed, "go ahead." he said looking down and moving to the right of me with a defeated expression on his face.

"Thank you." I said wile walking past him quickly. I was surprised at myself, I have never been that mean to a complete stranger before. Ok well I have, but not someone older then me. I ran to the side of the gurney only to find Nate still calling for me. I reached my hand out and touched his face.

"Alex." he said in a now relived voice. He was so weak, why would he do this? "Alex." he said again with hopelessness. I ran my fingers through his silky curly hair.

"Shh, its going to be ok, alright baby?" I cooed, "I'm right here." I comforted, bending down slightly to kiss his forehead. I felt tears sting my eyes when I saw him brave a painful smile. I stifled a sob and kept comforting him, "Everything is going to be okay."

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I waited in his room for 6 hours. He wasn't awake yet. The doctors stated that he was under control now, and it was just a simple suicide attempt. _Suicide_. That word caught my attention. I know Nate, and I knew that he would never try to kill himself. I just don't know why he did it.

Two hours later I was still sitting there. It has been 8 hours now, and it was starting to get light again from the far rising sun beyond the drapes of the hospital room. I got up and leant against the wall looking out the window when I heard an almost silent dry cough. My head spun around like lightning. Then I caught it. The first glimpse of hope, the first telling that everything was going to be alright. Nate's eyelashes flickered open and looked around the room until then caught me and smiled with relief. That was the same smile I saw when I thought everything was going to be over for him. I hurried over to his bedside and grabbed his hand and as I did, I heard him intake a breath and quickly let go. I didn't realize he had cut his hand also. Sadness ran through me and suffocated my heart, "sorry." was all I could croak out. He looked at me with heartbreaking sorrow. He took his other and reached it to my face, tracing my jaw line.

"Hey, Angel." he said through a dry exhaustion. He looked at me with those chocolate brown eyes and I looked back. We stared at each other until he broke the connection, and I saw tears form in his beautiful eyes. He looked down at his wrist, ashamed. I knew it was too soon, but I wanted to know.

"W-why did you do it, Nate?" I questioned, letting out a sob I hadn't realized I was holding back until now. He closed his eyes tightly as a tear rolled down his face and shook his head.

"Nothing was going right. Everything was turning out wrong. I kept crying, and I-I didn't know _why_. I was depressed I guess, I don't know." he paused and looked up at me as I wiped away his tears with the pad of my thumb, letting my hand linger on his pale cheek, "I just needed to have _control. _I couldn't control w-why I was crying. I couldn't control how I was feeling. It was all out of my control. And the one thing I _could _control was cutting." he paused and took a breath, trying to get himself together, "it just seemed like.. When I cut, everything that hurt on the inside suddenly.. Just started hurting on the outside instead. It was just _easier, _you know? It was like everything disappeared."

"But why didn't you come to me, Nate? Why didn't you tell me what was going on?" I asked almost cutting him off. I could tell he felt bad, but he answered with a knowing gaze in his eyes.

"I just…" he paused, "I didn't want you to worry about me." he said looking down at his wrist again. It felt like my heart was going to drag its way slowly and painfully up my chest. _He didn't want to worry me?_

"I'm so sorry" I breathed in a low whisper, lowering my head. I felt his hand graze over my cheek and under my chin, tilting my head to look at him.

"hey, what are you sorry for? You didn't do anything." he soothed in his husky voice. I shook my head and lowered it onto his chest. I heard him stifle a sob filled gasp, "wait, you don't think its your fault do you?" he asked me as I raised my head back up to meet his eyes. I didn't say another word.

It _was_ my fault. I wasn't there for him when he needed me. He would rather hurt himself then worry me about his life. I loved him, didn't he understand that? I heard him take in a sob and then look me straight in the eyes, "listen to me right now ok? This is _not_ your fault, it never was and I don't want you to ever think it was --"

" but I wasn't there when you _needed_ me.. I-I didn't even _realize _what was going on, I--" I cut him off and then stopped, stifling a sob.

"baby, you _were _there. I just didn't let you in." he looked at me and then looked down with regret on his face, "I love you. Whatever happens, never forget that. I love you now, and always will love you, alright?" I looked up at him with sorrow and nodded. He slid his hand to my face and gently pulled me to him, "come here.." I laid down beside him on his hospital bed, settling my head in the nook of his neck.

The rest of the night was spent with him apologizing to me, me telling him it was ok, but I didn't know what I would do without him. We both fell asleep about 3 hours later with me still laying there bedside him, and his arm snaked around my waist lovingly.

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The next night Nate got released from the hospital, but only because he had agreed to see a therapist about his cutting. He didn't want to do it, believe me, but I knew it was for the best. She would help him get over it, and it would never happen again.

We finally got to his house after a super long car ride. I guess it's a good thing I just got my G2 the previous week. I turned off the car, but neither of us moved. We just sat there in silence. I looked over at him only to see him looking down. I followed his gaze down to the bandages on his wrist. I figured he would be looking down at his wrists sadly, but no. he was looking at them like it was a puzzle. Like a mystery unsolved. But I ignored it. I was just glad we were home.

We were both safe.

He looked up at me, "ready?" he spoke as he unbuckled his seatbelt. I saw him wince a little from the pressure on his hand and I sighed. He didn't notice though, he was already half way out of the car.

"sure, why not.." I mumbled sarcastically, taking my seatbelt off and slamming my door. By the time I was out of the car, Nate was already opening the front door of this house. I jogged up to the front door, meeting him as soon as he opened the door. We walked inside the house, still in complete silence and looked around. Nothing looked different. I don't know why I expected it to, but I did for some reason. Most likely because everything had changed. you could tell just by being in the same environment as Nate that everything had changed.

We walked upstairs slowly we got half way up the stairs and things started to look.. tampered with. Everything in the hallway was shoved off to the side, which the ambulance did to get the stretcher through. Nate started walking even slower, before stopping in front of the bathroom. He wasn't looking into the bathroom, just stopped in front of it. I saw him trying to turn his head, but every time he attempted to he would be unsuccessful. Just turning his head back or looking down. I sighed as I looked at his hands that were in fists and watched as he clenched his jaw so hard that I could see the muscles. I slowly and cautiously stepped towards him, running my hands up him back to his shoulders, then down to his biceps, squeezing them comfortingly. I felt him instantly relax as I put my head on his back and slid my arms round his waist.

He sighed, "I can't even look." he said with a sad chuckle, "I'm such a coward. I can't even bare to look at the aftermath of what I did."

I hugged him tighter, "shh, your not a coward." I cooed as I placed a soft kiss on his shoulder, "come on, go to bed, I'll clean everything up ok?"

His shoulders sunk as he nodded before walking to his room. I sighed heavily before walking forward a bit and turning my attention to the bathroom. I closed my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose with on hand while putting the other hand on my hip. I reopened my eyes to see the horrible aftermath of what had happened.

Blood.

I went under the sink, dodging little pools of blood here and there before getting out an old towel to clean up the mess. I put some water on it and started scrubbing the blood off of the floor. It was harder to get off then expected, but I managed to get the most of it off.

After I was done dealing with that demon, I went to grab my clothes and change. My mom had brought me my clothes while we were in the hospital so I could stay the first few nights with Nate to make sure everything went ok. She was worried about him and I in the same house together over night, but I promised her nothing would happen. So all she said was, "no funny business, Mija." and let it go.

I silently went out of the bathroom and opened the door to Nate's room and peered in. I saw him sitting on his bed facing the window, "hey monkey" I said as I started walking in. he turned around, a little startled, "sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

"no, no. You didn't. I'm just not really used to other people in the house with me is all." he said with a small smile. He patted the spot next to him on his bed, motioning for you to come over. You did as asked. As soon as you sat down he slowly enveloped you in a hug. You hugged him back with all you could, nuzzling your head into the nook of his neck, taking in his scent. He hugged you so tightly you thought he was never going to let go.

And you loved that feeling.

"I love you so much." he poured out while hugging you.

"I love you too baby." you stated as you felt him nuzzle his head into your shoulder, kissing it softly. He trailed lustful kisses up you shoulder, to your collar bone, your neck, lingering on your ear, until he made his way to your mouth. You kissed him with all you had, as gave you all he had. He put a hand to your cheek, grabbing your head as you put a hand on his waist and one on his neck, pulling him as close as possible. You didn't want that kiss to ever end. But it did as soon as the both of you needed air. He leaned his forehead against yours, still cupping his soft hand around your blushing cheek. You pulled away and walked to the other side of his bed, pulling down the covers. You both got in bed, wrapped your arms around each other, and were soon dozing off to sleep.

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Knocking.

Was that knocking?

I sat up in bed, wriggling out of Nates strong grip while I heard someone knocking on the door. I rubbed my head and sighed while I looked at the clock, "6 am? Who the hell is here at 6 in the morning?" I mumbled sleepily to myself as I pulled the covers off. I heard Nate grumble and put his feet on the floor. I walked out into the hallway with Nate right behind me.

The knocking was more incessant now, "hold on, were coming." I said loudly so they could hear. The knocking didn't slow down at all. Nate got to the door before I did. He pulled it open and stood in front of it.

"oh my god."

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**Ok guys, I know you all probably hate me right now because I haven't turned this into a real story in a looong time. I'm sorry. I've been really busy with school and stuff, but I'm going to try to update once a week.**

**So who do you think is at the door?**

**Do you think the "oh my god" is a good thing or a bad thing?**

**PLEASE R&R AND TELL ME WHAT/WHO YOU THINK IT IS! =]**

**Next chapter will be posted at 22 reviews. (we already have ten, so if everybody that reads this reviews, then its not that hard)**

**PS I love long reviews.**

**PSS, I'm currently looking for a beta, if you have any interest in the matter, please contact me at carley . anderson live(dot)com [NO SPACES]  
**

**Thanks guys ****J**

**XOXO**

**Carley3**


	3. Talk To Me

"**Don't know where to turn. I've been stuck in this routine. I need to change my ways, instead of always being weak." - Believe In Me by Demi Lovato**

**Tears in the rain**

**Chapter 3**

**Talk To Me**

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Nate as blocking the door, so I couldn't see who was there. I shyly stepped forward a bit and peeked at who it was.

"oh my god." I stared at the person standing in front of me tentatively, as if not knowing what to expect him to do, "dad?"

"Allie! Its so good to see you!" he came right in, shoving Nate out of the way intentionally as he came and embraced me in a hug. I could smell the alcohol on him, almost gagging at the strength. He let go and held me at arms length. Nate was behind him, staring at me in astonishment.

"wh-what are you doing here dad?" I questioned in a low voice, raising my eyebrows as I tried to wriggle out of the firm grip he had on my arms. He noticed and let go, dropping his arms at his sides. He gave me a stern look as he turned around.

"Nate! How are you young man?"

"I'm fine sir--"

"how about you grab me a beer and we can sit down and talk, catch up?" he said with a wink, cutting Nate off, not really caring about his answer as he extended his muscular arm to the kitchen.

"this early in the morning?" Nate questioned, getting a glare from my father and quickly retorting, "i mean, sure, no problem, sir." Nate said scratching the back of his head adorably and looking at me with confusion.

"oh, so does that mean you drink? You have beer in the house?" my dad said, antagonizing him. He looked at me as a plea of help, panicking a bit.

"oh. N-no sir, I-I don't drink at all." he confirmed nervously.

"oh, so you throw house parties? I mean, with booze in the house, who knows what could happen, am I right?" my dad assumed with a chuckle. Nate looked to me with panicked eyes, searching for help.

"dad, come on. Stop." I said taking a step forward. My dad stretched his arm out towards me to block me, still facing Nate.

"I'm just kidding Nate, just giving you a rough time." he chuckled, patting Nate on the arm firmly. Nate gave a forced tight lipped smile and went into the kitchen. As soon as he left the room I became very well aware of my father. He turned around with a glare in his eyes.

"I see you haven't told the boy yet." he stated quickly as he took a step towards me.

I took a step back.

"_the boy's _name is Nate, _dad._" I spat with venom, dripping from my voice. My head was low as my eyes were glaring into his chest, "and no. I haven't told him, and your lucky I haven't."

"oh, I'm lucky am I?" he said incredulously, taking another step towards me, "listen you little bitch, _hes_ lucky you haven't told him," he took another step forward. At this point I was already cowering against the wall with my head turned so I wouldn't have to look at his antagonizing face, "if he so much as raises his voice at me," he said in a low whisper, grabbing my face roughly with his dirty hands, forcing me to look at him. "he'll be where he tried to get already." I looked up at him with a hurt and confusion. My question was answered by my _father _taking one finger and sliding it across his opposite wrist slowly. My heart sank. I knew what this man was capable of, but right now I didn't care. I pushed him as hard as I could and got right back up in his face.

"don't. Don't you _dare_ threaten him. He has done _nothing_ to you." I whisper-yelled, pointing a finger in his face. He looked down at me and chuckled lightly.

"Oh I see. We have confidence now that we have a man around the house, do we?" he spoke with demeaning humor. I could hear Nate walking back from the kitchen, so I swatted his arm down and ducked under my – ugh – _Father, _puttingon a happy face for Nate. He handed my dad a beer. Great. Just what he needed. More booze, "Thanks son." my dad said with a smile.

"no problem Mr. Russo." Nate replied politely. Why did he have to be such a great guy? Why did he always have to see the best in everyone? Couldn't he think of the negative for once? My dad extended an arm to him, squeezing his shoulder.

"come on then, tell me what you and my wonderful daughter have been up to." he said leading Nate to the living room, looking back at me half way through with a fixed glare. I unclenched my sweaty fists, which I didn't realize were clenched until now, and wiped them on my shirt, following behind anxiously. I never know what he's going to do, so I have to pay attention to every detail. "so Nate" my father spoke as he sat down on the lazy boy chair, and Nate turned on the TV, "how is school going for you?"

"its going fine. You know how it is, senior year, stressful as ever. But, I'm making it through." he said with a tight lipped smile as I sat beside him on the couch, intertwining our fingers. I gave my father a glare as I could see him staring at Nate's wrist.

"stressful huh?" he said chuckling a bit, before taking a swig of his beer, "i can see how your making it through--"

"dad, don't.." I interjected quickly with a harsh whisper. I saw Nate's eyes look down and close quickly before coming back up and meeting mine. I gave his hand a squeeze, careful not to hurt him. His eyes were full of guilt and shame. I couldn't take it anymore. Now he was hurting Nate, "dad, we have things to do, so if you could make it quick.." I hinted at him with a stern voice. He gave me a sly smile, chugged the rest of his beer, and stood.

"oh, OK. I understand." we all stood up from our seats as my father stuck his hand out to shake Nate's. Nate did as shown, and calmly shook his hand, "hope you feel better real soon , Nate." he let go of Nate's hand and came to me. I gave him a small glare and he gave me another sly smile as he engulfed me in a hug, "remember what we talked about." he said in a rough whisper. He let me go and walked to the front door. Once I heard it slam, I went to Nate, who was now sitting back down on the couch, rubbing his neck as his head hung low. I sat down beside him and weaved my arm through his while placing soft kisses on his neck and temple.

"he hated me.." he worried running his fingers through his curly hair roughly.

"who cares if he likes you or not?" I said before cupping his face in one hand, and putting the other on his waist to get him to look at me, "i don't care if he likes you, because I love you. And there's nothing anybody can do that's going to change that. OK?" he leaned into my hand and nodded before leaning in slowly to kiss me. He put his hand on mine which was cupping his face. The kiss was soft and sincere, as I lightly took his lower lip in mine, making the kiss last as long as it possibly could. We leaned our foreheads against each other before getting up and going to our room for some more much needed sleep. It was only about 7 am, and Nate hadn't got much sleep last night anyhow.

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I woke up with my arm slung around a blanket instead of Nate. I turned my head and blinked my eyes a few times, waiting for the world to come into focus. I could hear crackling downstairs, so I guessed he was cooking something. I flung my legs out of bed and stretched, throwing my arms in the air like a six year old. I then yawned and slowly walked downstairs, only to see Nate with no shirt on, a frying pan in one hand, a spatula in the other, "hey baby." I greeted as I went up behind him, snaking my arms around his muscular stomach and resting my head on his toned back. He let out a sigh, obviously still tired.

"Hey Beautiful. How did you sleep?" he asked as we swayed side to side slowly, Nate still flipping bacon and cooking eggs. I gave his stomach a squeeze, pulling him more into me for a second, just feeling the closeness. I gave him butterfly kisses from his back to his collarbone before speaking.

"Not bad, you?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"I didn't sleep" he lightly chuckled at this before putting the spatula down and twisting in my arms so our chest were now touching, my arms slung around his neck, his hands now gently squeezing my waist. I chuckled, now resting my forehead against his.

"i know." I said with a knowing smile before giving him a gentle kiss. We untangled ourselves from each other while he went back to cooking. I went back upstairs to get changed and ready for the day ahead of us.

After we ate our breakfast – which was delicious, by the way – we got ready to leave for an appointment to see the therapist that Nate had agreed to see once he was out o the hospital. I was waiting downstairs for him as he got changed into the proper "attire" as he called it. He came down about fifteen minutes later with a blue and white stripe collared shirt and a black tie, with sharp dress pants. You couldn't help but notice how the fabric of his shirt clung to his abs and chest, all the way up to his firm biceps. You had to look away one you felt your cheeks turning hot, "you ready to go babe?"

he sighed and put his hands in his pockets, "as ready as I'll ever be I guess." he said with a worried voice. I knitted my eyebrows together in sympathy before walking up to him and giving him a hug, wrapping my arms securely around his waist, my hands rubbing up and down his toned back. He wrapped one arm around my waist, the other around my neck and leaned into me, sighing.

"its not going to be that bad, you know." I said as we pulled out of the hug, but still kept our arms around each other. He knitted his eyebrows together in emotion and lifted his hand to cup around my face before pulling me in for a kiss. He took my bottom lip in his skilled ones roughly, pouring all his emotion into me. I took his lips gladly, softly placing my hand on the small of his back and pulling him into me fully, while my other hand went to the back of his head, knotting my fingers in his hair. He let my bottom lip slide out of his, but not for long as he urgently sucked on my top lip, running his tongue a long it slowly, teasingly. I let out an unintentional moan and I felt him smirk underneath my lips as I regretfully pulled away slightly, "your not going to get out of going." I mumbled against his lips before hearing a groan. He pecked me on the lips once more before I pulled away, "but nice try. Really, you almost had me there." I said with a smirk as my hand trailed from the back of his head down his chest, and abs to his hand. I intertwined our fingers as he grabbed his coat, and we went out the door.

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"so, you wanted to do it because you felt in control, Nate?" the therapist asked Nate like he was some sort of riddle, waiting to be solved. Nate hadn't said one word since we got here. He has always been as stubborn as a mule. I had been doing most of the talking, telling her what happened. I hadn't told her anything about control though, she figured that out herself, "Nathaniel, you have to talk to me to get this issue resolved." she said trying to catch his eyes, but he stayed looking down. She sighed and slapped her notebook closed, "I'll give you two a minute, its time for the break anyhow." she stood up, giving me a hopeful smile. She walked out of the room, the door quietly closing behind her. As soon as she left, Nate let go of my hand and stood up, running his fingers through his hair roughly.

"why won't you talk Ba--"

"because Alex!" he yelled loudly. He hardly ever yelled at me, and if he did, it was because he was extremely stressed. I looked down, shying away from his eyes as mine stung with unshed tears. I felt so horrible for him. He must have been going through hell. He sighed and walked back over to me, sitting down beside me, "look... I'm sorry, OK? I just..." he groaned, trying to find the words, "i just, I don't know OK.. I don't know what this place is, I don't know who that woman is, and I don't know why I did what I did. I was just so confused and scared and.." he put his elbows on his knees and his head in his hand as he pulled at his hair with a frustrated sigh. I brought my hand up to rub his back, but he shied away from my touch, standing up once again, "don't Al... please."

"why not? I'm just trying to help you, why are you so angry at me?"

"I'm not! I just can't be here right now. I-I can't do this right now, Alex. Please just get me out of here, please." he looked at me with watery eyes and begged. But I couldn't give in now, he had to stay here. I'm not seeing him hurt himself ever again.

"n-no. Were not leaving until you talk." I stumbled over my words, lowering my head and playing with my hands in my lap. I heard it get deathly quiet before he broke the silence.

"what?" he said with disbelief. He thought I would say yes and just go along with it because I loved him, and didn't want him to be uncomfortable. But I wanted him on this earth more.

"i said no." I confirmed, looking up to meet his eyes. He looked at me with hurt as he opened his mouth to say something, but got cut off by the therapist woman walking back into the room. He looked at her and back to you before sitting down. You reached for his hand, but he didn't budge, "really?" I whispered to him. He looked over at me with knitted eyebrows and sighed, grabbing my hand and intertwining our fingers. I squeezed his hand gently, being careful not to touch his wrist. He looked over at me, "you can do this." I told him. I saw his eye close as he took a shallow breath, and then looked up at me again, before telling his side of the story.

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**Hey guys.**

**So I know its a short chapter, this one came out to 5 pages, and usually there are at least 7. So to make up for that I will update sooner then previously stated (once a week)...**

**I actually had 10 pages written out for this chapter,but decided to delete half of it... it was a huge chapter with lots of things happening and some big twists in it, but by the end of it when I read it, the story didn't go in the direction I wanted it to go.. so I just cut it out.**

**Once again, sorry for the shortness but I'm kinda sick right now. **

**Also, I can see tons of people read this story, but didn't review. I only got two reviews (and to those people, I love you. haha) If you didn't review, PLEASE, PLEASE review. It gives me a little bit of inspiration to write the next chapter.**

**So yeah, I'll be updating twice this week, once now and once later on this week because this chapter was so little lol.**

**Aiming for 16 reviews?**

**Thanks,**

**Carleyy XOXO  
**


	4. Something Happened

"**When I'm with you I'll make every second count 'cuz i miss you whenever your not around, when i kiss you I'll still get butterflies, years from now. I'll make every second count." - When I'm With You by Faber Drive**

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**just a warning, this story will end up being changed to M sometime soon. Its not to bad now, but as their relationship progresses, obviously it will be turned into M. Sorry for all those young eyes haha. This chapter doesn't have M in it, no worries :P**

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**Tears In The Rain**

**Chapter 4**

**Something Happened**

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"I can't believe I just had to do that." Nate complained as we entered the house after his appointment.

"Oh come on, it wasn't that bad, was it?" i asked him. He gave me a small glare and rolled his eyes, groaning at my question, "I mean, you talked, she listened. Its just like when we talk." I suggested, trying to make him more comfortable with the idea.

"no, its _not_ like when we talk, 'cuz I trust you, meanwhile I don't even now that person." he said walking into the kitchen, getting out the peanut butter and jelly. I walked up beside him and jumped up, sitting on the counter.

"But that's the point babe, you have to learn to trust her so that she can fix you." I said as I tapped my fingers on the counter. He put his hand down looking up at me as he rolled his eyes.

"I'm not broken, Al." he groaned as he went back to making his sandwich. I tilted my head towards him and rolled my eyes right back.

"I didn't mean like _that, _Nate." he sighed and put his knife in the sink after cutting his sandwich, trying to drop the subject, "look, the _point_ is that you need someone to talk to, and she wants to listen. What's that harm?" I continued the conversation as he sat down on the couch. I jumped over the back of the couch and plopped down beside him. He sighed and looked over at me.

"There is no harm, it's just.. I don't feel like sharing my problems with some stranger." he answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world, while taking a huge bite out of his sandwich.

"I'm not a stranger, Nate. You know you can always talk to me." I offered, running my fingers thorough his hair. He looked at me with a mouth full of food.

"Shi fo walth do oou" he said with a full mouth. I laughed and waited for him to swallow what was in his mouth, "what i meant to say, was that I _do_ talk to you."

I smiled at his boyishness before responding, "I know you talk to me, but we don't really talk about all that stuff. You mostly keep to yourself about that." he groaned and rolled his eyes, turning on the TV and flipping to football.

"I don't," he put his fingers in the airs, making air quotes, "_keep to myself, _I just don't have anything to say about the matter." he explained like it was obvious. I glared playfully at him as he put his plate on the table after gulping down the last of his sandwich.

"Piglet" I said playfully sticking out my tongue. He looked at me with jokingly angry eyes.

"Excuse me?" he said leaning towards me a bit. "you are _so _paying for that little missy." My eyes went wide and I started chuckling.

"no no no! I was just joking!" I said as he got closer to me, threatening to tickle me till I laugh so hard that I would pass out.

"you must be punished for what you said!" he said finally jumping and tickling me. I was pushing against his chest and grabbing his hands, laughing so hard that my face was probably as red as a tomato.

"n-noo-o! S-st-staa!" i tried to get out as I was being tickled to death. I pushed against his chest so hard that he started falling backwards. He balanced out his weight my throwing himself at me, resulting in him falling on top of me while I was still laughing. I could feel his hard chest on mine as his face was buried in my shoulder. I felt his hot breath on my collar bone as he laughed along with me. Our laughing slowed as he lifted himself off of me, now hovering above me. He smiled at me after finishing laughing, and I smiled back. I felt my face starting to get hot as i looked into his eyes. I brought my hand up to run my fingers slowly through his hair. He closed his eyes and smiled, leaning into my hand like he hadn't touched me in a year. I loved that about him, he was always sincere. Always longing. I lead my hand down to softly cup his cheek. He looked me straight in the eyes before leaning down and kissing me sweetly. I felt his lips take my top one and suck on it softly before pulling away. I opened my eyes slowly, cherishing every spark, every shiver I got from him when he kissed me.

"I love you." he said simply and sincerely. I rubbed my thumb against his cheek, still cupping his face in my hands.

"I love you too.. so much." I replied with sincerity. He tilted his head to the side and placed small open mouthed kisses on my palm. He slowly continued down my wrist and arm until he got to my collar bone. He gave me delicate kisses there as well, taking his time. I felt his hot breath trail up my collarbone to my neck as we both started to get a little worked up. I slid my hands down his side, to his lower back over his shirt, curling my fingers slightly before bringing them up his back slowly. I felt him shiver before letting out a heated sigh and going back to kissing my neck. He placed kisses from the nape of my neck up to the middle before darting his tongue out, making me take a sharp intake of breath. He nipped at my neck softly before sucking on it, being sure to leave his mark.

"Mmm.." I let out as I dug the tips of my fingers into his hard back. He scraped his teeth up my neck until he came up to gently nip at my earlobe. I took another sharp intake of breath, as it felt like waves of shivers going through me. His tongue darted out as he breathed his hot breath in my ear. I don't think he knew how much he turned me on when he did this. Half of me wanted to rip off all of his clothes, the other half wanted to tell him to stop. It was my hormones against my brain and heart. My heart and brain were telling me to wait, that this wasn't the right moment, while my hormones were telling me just how _badly_ I wanted him. But in the end, my heart won, "Nate..." I said, reluctantly pulling away slightly. He ignored me, going back to my neck and sucking on the same spot he did last time, before kissing his way to my jawline, "mm, babe, wait.." I said not really wanting him to, but I was getting too worked up. He pulled away just enough to kiss my lips again gliding his tongue along my lower lip. I kissed him back as our tongues fought for dominance. I pulled away again, "Babe, just stop for a sec." I said, my breathing heavy, as was his. We noticed each others breathing and chuckled a bit, smiling. He ran his fingers through my hair, before smiling, "why do you do this to me?" I said with a laugh, covering my blush ridden face with my hands. I heard him chuckle before feeling the weight lift off of me. I quickly removed my hands from my eyes and saw Nate sitting where he was when eating his sandwich. He sighed and patted the spot next to him and I scooted over, being embraced as he slung his arm over my shoulder. He sighed again and tilted his head away from me, exposing his neck. He fake sighed.

"you can get me back if you want to..." he said jokingly. I chuckled and raised an eyebrow as he looked back over at me, "I'm being serious, I wouldn't mind." I laughed again.

"as much as I would love to do that," I replied honestly as I leaned closer to him so that our noses were touching, and whispered, "I'll get you back when your not expecting it." before jumping up and running to the kitchen. I heard a groan and footsteps from the living room.

"That is _so _not fair." he said in a young voice. He came around the corner looking like a little boy who just lost his favourite tonka truck. I laughed and smiled. All of a sudden, he started smiling, "you are going to kill me." he said. I looked at him questioningly as he started laughing more before stuffing a hand in his pocket and balling another into a fist, putting it over his mouth to stifle his laughs.

"why?" i asked raising an eyebrow. He cleared his throat and slowly came over to me, reaching his hand up and putting it on my neck, his thumb rubbing it soothingly.

"I think you should go look in the mirror." he said with a smile, almost proud of himself. I narrowed my eyes at him, walking into the bathroom. I turned on the light and faced the mirror. Now i knew what he was talking about. There was a giant purple and brown hickey the size of a large peanut on my neck. He knew I hated hickeys. He knew I was going home tomorrow. He knew Austin hated seeing anything like that from Nate on me.

"oh that's just great." I mumbled to myself before slapping the light switch off and going out of the bathroom, back to the kitchen. He was still sitting on the counter, grinning like a small child as I walked by. I stuck out my tongue and walked to the couch, sitting back down. He came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my neck, kissing my cheek. I leaned up and looked at his with a fake glare.

"oh come on, you love it." he said in a joking voice. I turned back to the TV and click the power button on the remote.

"want to watch a movie?" I asked him as he said down next to me, wrapping and arm around me.

"sure, which one?" he asked innocently. I smirked and turned to him.

"How about The Notebook?" I asked him, still smirking. His smile instantly faded and he began shaking his head.

"oh- oh no, no, no. You are _not _Notebooking me." I put a hand to his cheek, making him face me while trying to convince him.

"oh come oooonnnn.." I said, while pausing. He was still shaking his head. I leaned in and kissed him with a smile. When i knew he was into it – and distracted- I jumped up, putting it on anyway. He sighed heavily.

"Your so paying me back for this you know." he threatened when I sat down. I sat crossed legged and looked at him raising an eyebrow.

"oh yeah?"

"yeah." he said scooting towards me a bit more, leaning in and trying to kiss me. I almost kissed him, but backed up a bit, teasing him.

"And what are _you_ going to do about it?" I said as he got closer and closer to me. I knew he was trying to tease me. It was kind of working, I really wanted to just kiss him as i looked into those beautiful brown eyes. He put a hand on my cheek and tried pulling me closer to him. I parted my lips slightly, leaning forward. He came closer, almost touching my lips before I pulled away and lightly smirked. He groaned.

"_why do you do this to me?"_ he mimicked in a low groan,still trying to kiss me. I smirked and sighed.

"because." I said, doing it again. He groaned, I chuckled, "you try to get me back, and it backfires. It just so fun to watch it happen." I said with a chuckled, pulling away completely. He groan and crossed his arms as I pressed play.

"Tease.." he mumbled. I raised an eyebrow, still looking at the TV screen.

"_oh come on, you like it._" I mimicked back, chuckling at his reaction. He fake laughed and started watching the movie, pulling me into him and putting an arm over my shoulder. I lifted my hand up and intertwined our fingers.

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About an hour later, I was awoken by my cell phone ringing. I look around and saw Nate right next to me, asleep. The movie was still playing, and our fingers were still intertwined. I guess he was running his fingers through my hair, because his hand was cupping my head, as my head was on his lap. I sat up and grabbed my phone from the table, pressing talk quickly not bothering to look at the caller ID.

"H-Hello?" I greeted the person on the other line groggily, my voice tired. I heard the person on the other line sigh and then suck in a breath.

"Allie?" the person said as their voice cracked. I knitted my eyebrows together.

"Who.. sorry, who is speaking?" I asked not sure of whom I was talking to. I knew it was a girl, but that's all. I heard the person on the other line stifle a sob.

"It's me--" the person was cut off by someone grabbing the phone from the girl, "Alex." the other person said. I knew that voice for sure.

"Hey Aus. Who was that?" I asked curiously, "and why was she crying?" he sighed.

"You don't know who that was? Wow.. its been longer then I thought.." he sighed as I rubbed the back of my neck, still in a sleepy daze, "Anyways, Alex--" he sighed sadly, " you need to come home."

I felt Nate move beside me, his hand going to my back rubbing circles in it softly, "whose that Baby?" He asked in a caring voice. I didn't answer him.

"Whats wrong Austin?" I asked a little worried. I heard him comforting someone in the background, as I heard the girl sob again, "and who the heck is there?" I investigated.

"Alex..." he sighed. I could almost hear him close his eyes and pinch the bridge of his nose, "something happened..."

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**OK OK! I know you hate me for leaving it there.. but you'll be getting the rest soon – don't fret :D..**

**i actually already have the next chapter half written. I just wanted to torture u guys a bit. Lol**

**so.. what happened? Who was the "GIRL" on the phone? Did you like the nelena fluff? Lol. It was kinda hawt fluff, but fluff none the less!! :P**

**like i said up thurr ^^ if WILL become an M story.. at some point.. just a warning.**

**PLEASE R&R! I am only getting one from an amazing person xD and they leave long reviews (WIN) lol. So yeha, i have to at LEAST get 2 this time. Kay? Kay. :) plus, it shouldn't be to hard seeing as i have about 15 or 16 story alerts for this, but only one reviewer -_- lol**

**Love you**

**Carley**


	5. Matthew

"**Spitting fire back and forth now. Times have changed in just a few months. Neighbors complaining from the fights and why can't things be the same?" - Open by Demetria Lovato**

**Tears in the Rain**

**Chapter 5**

**Matthew**

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"can you drive a little faster?" I whisper-screamed at Nate as we were heading to my house. He looked at me before reaching a hand out to mine and squeezed it reassuringly.

"Just breathe, Babe. We'll get there." he cooed, trying to calm me down. It wasn't working. My heart was pounding a mile a minute and my I worried. I wanted to know what was happening. Now. I let out a slow breath, trying to get my heart rate down, while closing my eyes and intertwining Nate and I's fingers. He was like my security blanket, "everything is going to be ok." he said before placing a loving kiss on my hand. I opened my eyes and looked over at him.

"thank you." I said quietly. My heart was still racing like an energizer bunny. I looked out the front window and saw my house in the distance. I unbuckled my seat belt even though the car was still pulling in the driveway. I hopped out of the front seat onto the black paved cement driveway and quickly walked to the front door. I lifted my hand to open the door and then stopped. I did it again, and stopped again. I heard Nate walk up behind me. He looked at me, sighed and turned the knob, "have I ever told you how much I love you?" I asked looking down and pulling a strand of my bangs behind my ear. He just smiled that tight lipped smile of his and placed his hand on my lower back, softly pushing me inside. I stepped inside the house and looked around the foyer, "Austin?" I asked the house. I grabbed Nate's hand while he shut the door and kept walking, "Austin? I'm here."

I heard footsteps coming down the stairs and I looked up. Austin looked at me with tears in his eyes and sighed, "Alex. I'm so glad you came." I ran up to him and embraced him in a huge hug, flinging my arms over his neck as he rested his head on my shoulder.

"Of course I came, Aus." I said burying my head in my arms that were around his neck. He pulled away, holding me at arms length and rubbing up and down my arms, "what happened Austin?" he sighed again before looking at Nate and back at me.

"Alex.. do you remember how Ma--"

"Austie, where do you keep the pop? Mom always used to keep it in the cellar, but I didn't see it." he was cut off by a girl coming around the corner. She had long dark, dark brown hair, a white complexion, and was just about as tall as I was. She had tear stained cheeks and you could tell she had been crying from her red eyes. I couldn't believe it. Why the fuck was _she_ here? She paused and looked up, taking a step back as she did, her hands at her sides. I turned to Austin.

"why the _fuck_ is she here?" I whispered to Austin, spat rather, with venom. He looked at me.

"please be nice to each other." he asked with sincerity, he always was a peacekeeper. I glared back at him, before looking down and mumbling.

"fine."

The other girl was still standing there, her fingers intertwined awkwardly, biting her lip, "so.." she said, trying to make conversation, "how are you?" she questioned, still not looking up. She rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly while asking. I glared back at her and didn't answer.

She didn't deserve my words.

She sighed and slapped her hands to her thighs, "listen Alex, I know we've been through _a lot_ of shit.." she started, taking a step towards me, "but please, lets not fight, OK?" she pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed, "Just.. not today." she said as her voice cracked. I didn't answer. I turned to Austin and asked him again, feeling totally out of the loop.

"Austin, please tell me what is going on." I whispered. He looked down again before he dropped the bomb.

"Its Matt.." he said with sadness. I immediately knew what he was talking about and took a step back in shock, still looking him straight in the eyes.

"no." I denied stubbornly as I kept moving backwards. I couldn't believe this was happening. This couldn't be happening- could it? "no. No no no. He said he'd be fine. H-he said he would be back in 6 months. He promised me." I rambled, my voice cracking at the end. I felt Nate's hands come up to my waist to try and comfort me but I shook them off.

"Alex, I know you were _extremely_ close to him. We all were." he winced at the past tense, as did I, "Of course we were...he was our brother." I closed my eyes as tight as I could, willing the tears that were stinging behind my eyes away. This could _not_ be happening. He was like my mentor, my best friend, and the good father I never had. Yes, we all knew the consequences going into the army could have, but he wanted to make a difference. He _promised_ me he would be back, that he wouldn't get hurt, that everything would be fine and I was worrying for nothing. Matthew _always_ kept his promises to me. He _promised_. He fucking well _promised _me! I was so angry. I don't know why anger was the first thing to come to my mind, I always thought if anything happened to any of us I would be sad first. But I was pissed. I looked back up at Austin with watery eyes. My stomach was tied in knots. It hurt _so_ badly. I put a hand on my stomach as I felt myself starting to breakdown. I couldn't breakdown I had to be strong for everyone.

For Austin.

For Nate.

For Mom.

And even for my twin sister, standing in the corner with her fingers still intertwined awkwardly.

For Demi.

"H-how.." I didn't want to ask, but I wanted to know so badly, "what.. what happened?" I said with a wavering voice. And the answer was the one thing I didn't want to hear he went through.

"he, uhme.." Austin blew out a breath and gained his composure before speaking again, "he got shot in the chest... they thought he was going to make it, but he came down with some disease..." I felt tears about to spill over, so I covered my face with my hands and looked down, he continued, " Alex, he was basically suffering... it was better." I looked up at him with disbelief.

"it was – it was _better_?" I questioned, "are you fucking_ joking_ me!?" I yelled as angry tears spilled down my face. Demi stepped towards me, reaching her arm out and opening her mouth to say something, but I put out my hand to stop her, "_don't _Demi." I spoke with venom, narrowing my watery eyes, causing more tears to fall. She dropped her hand before reaching it up to wipe stray tears from her stained cheeks. Austin walked towards me and put a hand on my shoulder, pulling me in for a hug. I didn't hug back for a minute, but gave in when I felt my heart aching, "when did it happen?" I whispered in his ear. He sighed before running a hand in soothing circles on my back.

"That doesn't matter. Right now, I just want to be with my family." he said before setting his voice to a low whisper, "All of us, Alex. That includes your sister." I closed my eyes and thought about the last time I saw her.

_2 years ago..._

"_Alex, don't do this. Please." Demi said in a whisper, trying to keep her voice down while holding back tears of fear. I looked at her like she was crazy._

"_are you kidding me? Demi, look at me! He deserves everything he gets!" __I__ spat quietly walking painfully over to my mirror. When __I__ looked in it, __I__ didn't see a human. I didn't see a person. I saw a monster. A controlled, abused, worthless monster. I has a black eye and a bloody nose, marks on my arm in the shape of his hand. There were deep gashed just above my eyebrow and on my chin. I reached my hand up to touch my stomach and winced at the excruciating pain. Demi got off of the bed and came over to me, pleading._

"_Please Allie. Please, I'm begging you, don't tell anybody OK?" tears spilled from her eyes to her cheeks, betraying her. She quickly wiped them away, "we -we can make it through anything ok? We'll just go on with our lives, we can run away together – _anything –_ we can do this. Your my best friend, __I__ don't want to lose you! If you tell them, __I__ will lose you for sure, __I__ don't want that. We've lost enough already. I don't want to lose you to. Please, I love you. Please." by this time she was crying even harder, making to much sound. She might wake _him_ up. I embraced her in a hug. I was pissed at her for even asking me not to do it, but __I__ couldn't have her waking him up._

"_Demi, __I__ can't even believe you. Look at what he's doing to you. To me." __I__ let go of her, holding her at arms length. I winced at the pain in my right arm. She looked into my eyes and starting crying again. Thankfully, this time is was silently._

"_Alex, __I__ know, ok? I know what he does to us __I__ k-know its wrong. I know its painful, believe me. I know. And __I__ love you so much, your my sister. My best friend. But... __I__ just can't. He my dad, Alex. He's your dad too. I know he abuses both of us – in different ways – but.. __I__ just can't. __He's__ still our father. He has a disease Allie." she said trying to convince me with all she had in her. I had to do it. I looked at her with sorry eyes before grabbing my sweater and going out my bedroom door quietly. I heard Demi coming out behind me and __I__ looked back curiously. She looked at me with sorrow, "don't make me do this Al. Please." __I__ looked at her with wide eyes. _She wouldn't.

"_Demi..." __I__ said getting closer and closer to the stairs, "don't, Demi." __I__ said pleadingly before walking __a little closer towards the stairs. She mouthed '__I'm__ sorry' before she yelled._

"_no Alex! Don't leave!" __I__ looked at her with widened eyes as __I__ heard loud footsteps coming from my parents bedroom._

_I looked at Demi one more time, "I _hate_ you." I spat with venom before bolting for the door. I heard the footsteps speed up and so did I, but it was a bit difficult to move fast with this much pain._

_The last thing I remember it my father kicking my back, and a sharp pain in my stomach._

_That's what I remember of her. Not the good times. Not how much I truly loved her because she was my sister, but how she betrayed me. How she took _his_ side and let him do things to both of us. After I healed from that I ran away. And here we are._

_End of flashback._

-

"Does dad know?" I asked the room, waiting for anyone to answer. I was looking down at my feet, trying to keep the tears in. By now we were sitting in the couch in the living room, Nate on the end, me in the middle, Austin on the chair. Which only left room for Demi to sit next to me. I groaned when I looked at Austin but he knitted his eyebrows together disapprovingly before she sat down. I heard Demi move nervously beside me. She had been crying for the past hour or so.

"No.. no one has talked to him in the past few days." she mumbled nervously. I scoffed.

"Oh, how sad." I spat sarcastically, turning my head towards her for a second. She looked down and closed her eyes, interlacing her fingers together. That was what we used to do to hold our emotions in when we were younger. Clench our jaws, close our eyes, and look down at our hands. I breathed out harshly before wiping my cheeks roughly. I felt the right side of the couch start shaking lightly. I looked over at Demi, who was now sitting with her knees to her chest, her arms wrapped around them as a single silent tear slipped down her cheek. I didn't understand why she was so upset – well, of _course_ she was going to be upset, but I wouldn't have believed she would be this broken down about it. Her and Matthew never got along. They loved each other of course, but they were never close like him and I are – were. He was always _my_ best friend. God, thinking about how amazing he was to me – how close we were – made my heart feel like it was being tugged out of my chest. Actually, no. Not tugged. _Ripped._

She sighed loudly before looking up, trying to get the tears to stay away, "why do bad things always happen to good people?" she rhetorically asked, her voice cracking at the end. Austin got up out of his chair and went over to Demi, standing on his knees. He leaned forward, putting his hands on Demi's shoulders and pulling her towards him. She instantly put her legs down and embraced him, breaking down again as she did. I swallowed hard and stood up. Nate grabbed my hand softly and looked at me with sympathy.

"I'm just going to get a drink." I said quietly, walking towards the kitchen. I opened the fridge to look for a coca-cola, before remembering what Demi said to Austin when she turned the corner earlier. I sighed and closed the fridge before going down to the cellar to see if it was there. I walked down the stairs and shivered as I felt the cold basement air hit my arms. I rubbed my arm up and down before going to the fridge – but freezing in my footsteps.

The front of the fridge was littered with photos of everyone – Demi and I, Austin and Demi, Mom and dad, tons of family picture of all of us. But that wasn't why I froze. The first picture I saw was of Matthew and I...

the day he was deployed...

I slowly walked up to it, picking it off of the fridge, the magnet that was holding it up now laying on the ground. I held it in my hands softly, as if it was brittle and could break at any second. I felt my stomach bunch up as I ran my thumb over the two of us. We were both smiling, standing in front of the window of the airport. His eyes were glistening with tears, but he held me protectively in his army uniform. I could see my vision becoming blurry as my chest started shaking. I drew in a breath and blew it out harshly, clenching my jaw. I set the picture down on the top of the freezer and opened the fridge, looking for the pop. '_Coca cola was Matthew's favourite.._' I thought before closing my eyes, trying to shake the thought out of my head. I head the door open and footsteps come down the stairs quietly. I knew who it was. He hadn't talked all night. He knows you way too well, knowing you have to be alone with him. He's the only one who can get you through this right now.

"you ok?" he asked stopping on the other side of the fridge door while I was looking for my pop. I just kept shuffling through the fridge.

"yes Nate. I'm fine ok?" I mumbled with no emotion, scurrying through the fridge some more. I knew by now that the pop was not in there. I was just wasting time. I saw him reach up for a second before sighing. He walked behind me and put gentle hands on my hips, pulling me towards him. I agreed before putting a hand to my forehead and swallowing harshly. He closed the fridge and stood in front of me. He reached a hand to cup my face, trying to look me in the eyes. I just kept looking down at my hands.

"It's going to be ok, you know." he cooed, trying to make me let the anger and sadness out. I scoffed and breathed in harshly, willing myself not to breakdown.

"no it's not." I mumbled in a quiet voice, finally looking up at him. He saw the tears in my eyes and reached his other hand up to pull me in for a sweet peck. I pulled away as he leant his forehead against mine. A few tears rolled down my cheek and he wiped them away with the pad of his thumb before speaking again.

"it will, baby. You'll never get over it, but you'll get used to it." he said before nuzzling his nose against mine and pulling me in for a hug I hugged him back and started losing control of my emotions, breaking down in his arms. He just held me and cooed that is was going to be ok.

_I won't get over it, but I'll get used to it..._

_-_

**okaayyy so obviously i am putting my characters through hell... i'm sorry. Its just the twists and turns of the storyline.**

**So, tell me what you thought of this chapter. It was kinda huge lol. I took my time on it because i wanted it to be a bit revealing of why Alex is so closed off sometimes.**

**What did you think about Demi? Their past? What about Matthew? Their dad? Like i said, this was a HUGE chapter. So give me ALLLLLL of your thoughts and questions, as well as what you would like to happen next in the review you leave! XD**

**Also, i like long reviews..**

**lol**

**Love**

**Carleyy.**

**PS: you can follow me at twitter for updates and such at www DOT twitter DOT com/ cma_88...**

**PSS (if that makes sense..) : i have a few new reviews/readers... I'd just like to say, i love you... it means the world to me if people read my story and enjoy it, but of course, i can't tell if they enjoy it if they don't review. So thank you all for reviewing. =]**


	6. Faking It

"**And the tears come streaming down your face, when you lose something you can't replace, when you love someone but it goes to waste, could it be worse?" - Fix You by Coldplay**

**Tears in the rain **

**Chapter 6 - Faking It**

* * *

"_Matt!" _

_I was running. I don't know where I was going, I just know I was running. I was running fast – so fast and my heart was beating a thousand miles a minute, "where are you Matty!". The background came into focus and I was in the desert, surrounded by men in uniforms._

_They were soldiers._

_I looked around while running faster and faster. I saw a door in the distance and was suddenly moved to it. I had no control over my legs, but I noticed I could move my arms when I instinctively reached for the doorknob. I turned the gold coloured metal carefully, dreading what was inside. I felt a pair of big hands on my back, shoving me harshly through the door. I fell forward landing on a carpeted surface with a window right in front of me. It was my room. I looked at the carpet for a while, my eyes were blurry. Why were my eyes blurry? I blinked my eyes and saw crimson liquid soaking into and mixing with the plush carpet. I knotted my eyebrows together in confusion and looked up at the mirror that was directly in front of me. I saw him. My father, panting roughly standing over me._

_I remember this night. It was the night Matt found out about what he'd been doing to us. _

"_dad please stop!" I tried to scream hoarsely as I felt pain in my stomach. Its like I had no control over my words - they had control over me. I saw him smirk and chuckle menacingly. _

"_and what are you going to do if I don't stop?" he drunkenly slurred, stepping towards me further. I coughed and got up on my hands and knees. As soon as I lifted my right leg I felt excruciating pain, but ignored it. I gripped the side of my bed, slowly pulling myself up. I wavered a little in pain, trying to get my footing. My father just chuckled and came closer to me, grabbing my arm roughly, "you would think by now you would know to play dead, but oh," he chuckled again, "oh no. Little Alex always has to be a fighter." I spit a little blood out of my mouth and glared at him._

"_I'm not just going to lay down and d-die." I stuttered with pain as I backed up towards my wall, "I'm not a coward like you." I said with a glare. He kept walking towards me. He laughed with venom, lifting his hand and slapping me harshly across the face. I felt the pain immediately surge through my jaw and eyes. I stumbled back a bit, letting a tear fall from my eye._

"_Why are you doing this to me?" I asked in a painful whisper. I looked up into his eyes as I saw them turn darker. He smiled a villainous smile before coming close to my face and grabbing my chin with his hand roughly._

"_what else would I use you for? You worthless piece of trash." he said with a dry laugh. He violently let go of my face as it swung to the right, looking at the wall. He started walking away but stopped at the door. He turned around and looked me up and down, shaking his head and scoffing, "Whore." he spat with venom. He slammed my door shut as I sunk to the floor, ridden with pain. Now that I was alone the tears started flowing uncontrollably down my face. I felt myself sobbing and my chest contracting. I told myself to stop, to be strong, but it didn't work. I didn't have control. I heard footsteps from the hall and immediately stopped crying, trying to stand up but failing due to the rush of pain that was currently flowing to my legs and head. I sat up against the wall, hugging my knees to my chest. I saw the doorknob turning and put my head behind my knees, bracing for impact. The door opened and he hurriedly stepped inside, closing the door behind him._

"_oh my god, Al."_

_I looked up to see none other then my brother, my best friend, and the only real father figure I had ever had, "M-matt. I-I'm sorr-this isn't what it looks-" I tried to get my words out before I started crying again, "just please don't tell anyone, ok?" I stumbled on my words, trying to stand up as he rushed over to me, cupping my face in both of his hands and wiping away some blood from my cheek. I saw his eyes glistening with unshed tears and started crying harder. I had never seen him cry. I had never even seen him tear up at all. He was strong. He was a soldier._

_I saw a small tear fall before he pulled me into a soft hug. I hugged him back as tightly as I could without inflicting too much pain. I heard him blow out a rough sob, "I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry.." I could feel liquid land on my shoulder, making my shirt damp. I closed my eyes as I sobbed until he pulled away and held my face. My eyes were still closed as i put my head down, trying to hide my pain. I opened them and it seemed as if the room got darker. I knitted my eyebrows together and looked up at my brother, "its okay Allie..." he said before looking down at his chest. I followed his gaze only to see that same crimson colour seeping through his white beater. I looked up at him, my heart starting to race again. He just smiled and blinked slowly. I started panicking and reaching out to his chest, trying to stop it – and I had no idea how touching it would stop it. I just had to stop it. Stop the blood, the pain. All the things i was going through. I had to stop it._

"_no. no, no, no!" I screamed pushing harder against Matt's chest before looking up at him. I was breathing harder now, it seemed as if the fear knocked the wind out of me. I could see the light fading out of his eyes. He smiled again and grabbed my blood stained hands from his chest gently._

"_everything will be ok.." he closed his eyes and started falling towards me. "Alex. Alex."_

"Alex!"

"Matt!" I screamed, shooting up out of bed, panting while tears rolled down my face. Nate was hovered beside me looking worried and scared. He took my face in his hands, wiping the tears away with the pads of his thumbs delicately. I sucked in a breath roughly before letting it out slowly, trying to re-gain my heartbeat. I looked back at Nate. He was sitting right in front of me now, holding my face in his hands. He looked as if he were going to cry as he pushed my tussled hair gently out of my face.

"babe.." he cooed before pulling me into a gentle hug. I hid my face in the nook of his neck, closing my eyes tightly as I continued to gasp for air. I hug him tightly, digging my nails into his back, trying to bring his body closer to mine – if that was possible, "shh.. its going to be ok, alright?" he reassured, his hot breath hitting my ear. I choked out a sigh and closed my eyes tighter, still resting in the nook of his neck. I breathed in slowly, drinking in his scent. He smelt so comforting to me, "its ok.. I love you, its ok." he cooed to me before kissing me gently on the temple. I sucked in a slow breath and sighed before pulling away slowly, sliding my hands from his back down to his waist. I looked in his eyes before he kissed my tear stained cheek, leaning his forehead against my own.

"I'm sorry for waking you up..." I said, turning my head to look at where he was sleeping and back. I heard him sigh and felt a gentle hand cupping my cheek again.

"same dream?" he asked rubbing my cheek with the pad of his thumb and looking me in the eyes. I didn't reply, but simply nodded. He sighed again and got on his feet, walking over to the dresser and putting jeans on over his briefs. I looked down at my hands, intertwining them.

"where are you going?" I asked curiously, trying to get that terrifying dream out of my mind. He sprayed on some cologne before raking his fingers through his hair lightly, looking in the mirror that was attached to the dresser.

"I have to go get my brain picked at, remember?" Nate said rolling his eyes, grabbing a stick of deodorant and rolling it on. He looked over at me and smiled sweetly, " You know, you look pretty good for not being a morning person." He said before coming over to me and running a soft hand through my hair., leading it down to cup my cheek.

"I know I look horrible, shut up." I said looking into his eyes, narrowing mine sarcastically. He scrunched up his face sarcastically before kissing me lightly. He chuckled and then stood up again, going back to his dresser to find a shirt.

"well," he sighed, "at least you don't have morning breath." he giggled, looking back at me. I just rolled my eyes, threw the covers off of myself and walked over to the bathroom.

"whatever, lil Monkey." I said quickly before closing the door and locking it. I laughed, hearing him groan through the door. I blew out a breath I didn't realize I was holding it and walked to the sink to brush my teeth. I looked up in the mirror a groaned, "ew.." I said before combing my messy hair and brushing my teeth. I started to wash my face, splashing water onto myself when I hear a knock on the door. I groaned and dried off my face before walking over to the door and opening it a crack, "And what exactly would you like?" he smiled charmingly and pushed the door open gently before closing it behind him. He grabbed my waist and pushed me back a bit as I put my hands around his neck and intertwined my fingers.

"well what I would like, is to get this damn appointment over with." he said leaning his forehead against mine, still walking me backwards. I rolled my eyes, about to lecture him on the importance of mental health before he cut me off, "but what I want," he said quietly, looking straight into my eyes as I hit the wall behind me, pushing himself so that our bodies were crashed together, "is you." he said before leaning his forehead against mine. I smiled with my eyes closed as he kissed me. I could feel him smiling through the kiss also. He started kissing down my jaw line, and as he got more and more heated, he moved down to my neck, "oh, no no no. your not giving me another hickie." I said as he started sucking harder and harder. Nate groaned and reluctantly, pulled away and went back to my lips, kissing me long and soft before pulling away completely. He looked at me and put his hand through my hair, leading it down to cup my cheek before rubbing smooth circles in it with his thumb.

"you just always have to ruin my fun, don't you?" he sighed jokingly. I smiled and kissed him once more before slipping out and walking towards the bedroom once again.

"yes, and right now we have to go to your shrink."

* * *

"Why hello Nathaniel, thank you for coming." said Dr. Buckley - the Psychiatrist - while sitting down in her chair. She put on a pair of black horn-rimmed glasses and got out a notebook while Nate and I sat down on a long black leather couch, "So Alex, how has he been doing?" she asked in a scary calm voice. I looked at Nate, he was looking down at his hands. He looked pissed.

"He's doing really, really good. He's helped me a lot with.." I sighed quietly, trying to make the lump that just appeared in my throat disappear. I felt a hand on mine and opened my eyes while Nate interlocked our fingers and gave an encouraging squeeze. I looked back up, "he's helped me a lot with stuff that been going on. He's been doing amazing." I looked at him and smiled, he looked back and squeezed my hand, almost telling me its ok. Dr. Buckley said a quick "mhm" and scribbled in her notebook. The room went silent for a few seconds, awkwardness in the air. I looked down at our hands for a second before looking back up to see Dr. Buckley looking at me with a smile. It was oddly creepy.

"so, what was this thing you were going through, Alex?" she asked with a supposedly concerned smile. My head shot up to meet her eyes, while I narrowed mine. She turned her head to the side slightly, "I've heard it all Alex, you can't surprise me. What is it?" I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, willing the anger that I was feeling to get under control.

"this is Nates time. If I wanted to talk about my problems, I would hire you myself." I spat with venom, looking at her like she had just asked me about my most privet possession. She narrowed her eyes and scribbled in her book some more.

"Well, Alex, as you know.. _you_ are the biggest part of your boyfriend's recovery. And if you want him to recover, then I think you should share with us the reason-"

"Share with _us?_" I spat at her, getting even angrier, "my boyfriend knows, he has helped me, you do not have to know everything in _my _life."

"Actually, I do need to know everything in your life, because like I said it helps in Nate's recovery. Do you really want to be responsible for leading him down the wrong road? I mean god knows it was mostly your side the first time-"

"She said she doesn't want to fucking talk about it alright!" I heard Nate yell viciously as he stood up and started walking towards Dr. Buckley's desk. Dr. Buckley stood up herself, holding her pen in her hand and putting on her best 'mad' face, although it looked calmer then usual, "she doesn't want to talk about it and you can't make her talk about it-"

"Nathaniel it plays a key role in your recovery! Your anger is going to send you off of the rails-"

"my anger is caused by _you_ trying to get my girlfriend to open up about her life while were trying to fix _mine-"_

"I'm not sure if you are aware young man, but this office is for the soul purpose of opening up about your lives, and if your _girlfriend_ over there doesn't want to talk about it, then she can get the hell out of my office-"

"this is _my_ session, _I'm_ the one that tried to fucking kill myself, so leave her the fuck alone! Stay out of her head! She said she doesn't want to talk about it so stop being a petty bitch and stop pushing!" I had never seen Nate this angry before, swearing at someone in power. I stood up and walked over to him, by now he was right in front of her desk. I put a soft hand on his shoulder, trying to get him to stop but he shrugged it off.

"hey, stop its ok." I tried to tell him, but he wouldn't break the vicious starring contest between Dr. Buckley and himself, "Nate, come on.."

"were cancelling all of our future appointments. Have fun losing your money, bitch." he spat before grabbing my hand and walking out of the room slowly, holding the door for me on the way out.

* * *

**Hey guys! So that was the first comeback chapter lol. I hope you liked it =] its kind of a fill chapters, but it'll get better don't worry.**

**So obviously Alex hasn't dealt with Matt's death yet.. Undealt things of that sort usually lead to somewhere dark, so it'll be interesting to see her character go down the road of mourning.**

**Please R&R!**

**Ok so what do you think about her re-occurring dream? Do you think Nate is really ok again, or he's just trying to be for Alex? How do you think Alex not dealing with her brothers death is going to effect her? And what would you like to see happen in the next chapter?**

**Thanks again guys! :D we'll get this story rolling this summer, it'll be awesome**

Carleyy


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